Over the last few weeks, emily hasn’t been herself. Not sleeping, crying randomly. Turns out she’s got 3 new teeth coming through all at the same time. Problem is, you never know this until the worst has happened. Emily has always been a good sleeper, so I couldn’t really sympathise with mum’s who were up every night. Well now I can, and by god do I feel for you. Being sleep deprived makes you go a bit cray cray. Dan & I have such arguements in the night about the ‘right ‘ way of getting emily back to sleep. Dans way is bringing her into bed, mine is rocking her. Neither I am sure is right.
I keep second guessing myself, and worry I’m being to strict or not enough. I swear this stuff has got harder, I thought I had being a mum sussed. I’ve even thought maybe I should go back to work for a few days a week now to give us both a little break. It’s not because I don’t love Emily, because I love her more than life itself it’s just sometimes she seem’s happier with other people and that’s maybe because we are together 24/7. I feel so guilty writing this, as everyone keeps saying how they couldn’t stand to go back to work. Us mummies have to stop judging ourselves because we are all different and it doesn’t mean we love our children any less or more.
This month I went away for a few days (4) to Portugal which was lovely and gave me a little break. While I was away Dan had Emily for 3 days and Karen 1 day and apparently Emily was brilliant. I had a pang of jealousy because for me she had been a nightmare. How come? I honestly thought she hated me.
Then 3 days ago I had an aphifiny, it’s not Emily’s it’s me! When you have her every day and try and stick to such a strict regime, it’s no wonder she wants to rebel against it. So I’m trying a new approach, CHILL OUT! And almost overnight her attitude changed and she’s back to being my happy laughing little girl. It’s so hard to climb out of a hole you’ve dug yourself. I really do believe babies vibe of you, if you’re stressed then they are too. Now I’m not saying I’m going to be chilled every day, as that’s just crazy talk… but… if she is an hour late for her nap, or doesn’t want to eat all her lunch or wants a cuddle I’m just going to go with it (or try). It’s crazy how this shift in mindset has instantly made Emily and I feel calmer. Last night she even slept through again.
Now on to my body! My friend sent me this picture the other day… she wasn’t being rude, it was after a discussion where we were discussing a part of our body after having a baby and breastfeeding 😂.. I think the picture explains it better than words.
Until next time x
I’m writing these over a month in arrears, and as I read my notes I think wow, I had it relatively easy… A lot has changed Emzy, you are definitely giving mummy a run for her money now (at nearly 5 months). But in the essense of keeping to the time frames in the title , I’ll take you back in time….
You did a full nights sleep, yay!!!! If only mummy had a full nights sleep to, I kept checking you were still breathing. I thought the anxiousness would have gone away now, but oh no it’s still there . You’ve also started going down for naps now in your crib. It takes me 20 minutes of pacing before I can put you down, and when I do I literally drop to the floor army style and crawl out of the room. You generally wake up and cry straight away, I leave you for 5 minutes (as it’s a tired cry, not a scream) and stare at the monitor and timer generally you have stopped by 5 minutes and you conk out. Your such a content little girl, quite happy to just lie on your Matt.
This works well when we’re at home, but routine and contentment went out the window when we went away to oxford for mummy’s birthday. Mummy’s money also went out the window because oxford is near Bicester village 😬 I don’t know why I bought you so much Ralph Lauren because I know you’ll grow out of it in a few months, I’m justifying my purchases and hoping you’ll have a sister who can have all your hand me downs.
Back to oxford – We went out for dinner and guess what happened? You started crying as soon as the food came out. Dad and I took it in turns to pace with you (as this seems to be the only thing that calms you down) but you weren’t having any of it. There was a family next to us, and the father of this family kept giving me evils and tutting. It’s funny because I’m not the type of person to let someone get away with that, but I did, and I felt really embarrassed and wanted to get the hell out of there. It wasn’t even a posh place, it was a burger bar! Your dad doesn’t understand why I care and either do I really, but when you cry in public I feel myself going red and start feeling really anxious and people like that stupid man really doesn’t help!
This is a pretty short entry because In terms of development nothing has really happened the last few weeks.
Until next time when things get a little more interesting x
Why aren’t I a size 8 already??!!! Oh wait I was never a size 8 before I fell pregnant & putting on 4 stone certainly doesn’t help me get there. I honestly thought while I was pregnant, I’d be this person who would loose all the weight, and be super chilled. And what the hell is this mummy pouch I’ve developed?! That bit of skin that sags over your trousers… I feel like a kangaroo.
I stupidly started slimming world 4 weeks after giving birth. I lost 2 1/2 stone, but lunches & cakes are getting in my way. No one wants to be ‘that’ person who refuses cakes. Plus I’m breastfeeding so that means I can have an extra 2000 calories a day surely?!!! 😬
Well clothes shops would tell me differently. ⚠️ Do not go shopping when you’re not happy with your size!!! Just buy bags & shoes. We were in Brighton and Dan very kindly gave me £100 to buy myself something nice for our night out, he took Emily and off I went. Well for his kind effort he was greeted to a moody tearful wife. (This is not something that’s unusual)
You think when you’re pregnant you’ll be able to start exercise straight away, but it often takes longer than you think. If you do start exercise I recommend getting a health check, or learning how to check stomach separation before starting exercise again. FitMummy do a fantastic course to help you rebuild your muscles after having a baby. I also do mummy&me Yoga & Pilates through busylizzy, the above classes are great for your pelvic floor.
I also thought when I was pregnant, that I’d be this totally cool mum who could just go out and leave her baby, no problem. I thought I’d only breastfeed for 3 months and then I’d get my life back. I definitely wouldn’t be one of those who post lots of baby pictures on Facebook. Then reality happens and you have this little baby, you don’t want to leave them & when you do you cry and spend half the night calling to check there ok. And I don’t need to tell you all how much I love a good Facebook pic haha. I would have taken the piss out of the person I’ve become, but you don’t really care about getting your life back because this is now your life. The type of mum you think you’ll be totally changes.
As much as I Love being a mum, things are not always rosey. There are times I’ve wanted to cry with tiredness & fustration. I’m so fortunate I have some amazing friends who offer support and reassurance and I’d just like to say thank you! Without you all things would be a lot tougher. Its amazing to send a whatsapp message at 3am and get multiple responses because you know other people are feeling your pain 😘😘😘
Horray!!! I can finally put you down for 15-20 minutes. I love you more than the world, but it feels so good that I can put you on the play mat without you crying. You also now love the vibrating chair you have. Bad mum alert! You love being put infront of the TV, I think it’s the bright colours but you find it mezmerising. Before I was a mum I swore that I wouldn’t let you watch TV & here I am 8 weeks in putting your chair infront of it. Ekkkk 😬
Now you might remember I told you about only taking milk from the right boob? Well mummy got that sorted. We went to a craniosacral therapist, and he fixed you. When you came out of mummy, you had your arm up by your head, apparently you had dislodged the opposite shoulder and had a pulled muscle??? It’s all sorted and now mummy has two droopy boobies rather than one. (Well at least there even now) Talking about feeding…. At 10 weeks we decided to give you a formula bottle at night. I’ve heard so many others talking about formula knocking their baby out, I thought I want some of that. True to its word, it does. Since having it you sleep a good 6 hours!! Result!!! 👍🏻
I do think formula has affected your poo though. You now have explosive poos. We were in Guildford, and you had the biggest poo. So I went to house of Fraser to change you. OMG! It was everywhere!! Stupid mummy forgot to bring other clothes, so I had to try and wash your clothes and I had to put them back on you. I ended up going straight home. Note to self, always pack spare clothes.
Although that outing wasn’t great, generally you are much happier out and about. Everyone comments how chilled you are! Why aren’t you like that at home? It’s like you put on a little show for everyone. We are out so much though, to be honest that’s fine with me. We just signed up to busy lizzy in Horsham. We do baby massage & baby karma. Mummy tried mummy & me Pilates but you were having none of it, it wasn’t enjoyable having a screaming baby for an hour. So we will try that in a month. You also stated swimming at 10 weeks, you love the water. I was never a strong swimmer, and it’s really important to me that you are. We do keep busy, plus we go to lunch or coffee at least 3 times a week with friends. Daddy says we do too much but it helps my sanity, and you like it so why not. Now don’t get me wrong, when we have a day of nothing we lie in mummy’s bed until about 11!
I love our little life, I’m not even fussed about going out and drinking (yes I love you that much). But it’s not always peachy! When you scream for hours (generally between 5-7pm) I literally want to cry. I shouted ‘SHUT UP’ the other day and I felt so guilty afterwards, I didn’t want to put you to bed because I wanted you to know how much I loved you. Speaking to friends apparently it happens to them too, which is nice to know I’m not the only one.
You are changing so much already, slow down please xxxx
I recently posted a photo on social media, and my husband got home and said that’s a bit of an unrealistic photo. Harsh but true! On a day to day basis, I don’t wear makeup and look pretty rubbish. That is why when I do take a photo, I straighten my hair, I plaster the make up on. My point is, we all post and say things that show us in a positive light, not many people share the hard parts. We then all have unrealistic expectations, and beat ourselves up when things don’t go as well as we hoped.
I want to start writing a blog on my experiences of pregnancy and being a new mum for a few reasons.
- For me to keep a realistic diary of what is happening. I think as time goes on we start distorting what actually happens.
- For me to share experiences of anything I have learned. My friends and family have already given me so much fantastic advice and I want to share what works and what doesn’t.
- To learn from other mums about their experiences. Are they the same/different from mine?
For point 3 I really need your help, so would love for you to follow the blog and comment on any of my posts in the future.
Thank you for reading.
Another blog to come soon!