Mummy’s Diary Entry

Over the last few weeks, emily hasn’t been herself. Not sleeping, crying randomly. Turns out she’s got 3 new teeth coming through all at the same time. Problem is, you never know this until the worst has happened. Emily has always been a good sleeper, so I couldn’t really sympathise with mum’s who were up every night. Well now I can, and by god do I feel for you. Being sleep deprived makes you go a bit cray cray. Dan & I have such arguements in the night about the ‘right ‘ way of getting emily back to sleep. Dans way is bringing her into bed, mine is rocking her. Neither I am sure is right.

I keep second guessing myself, and worry I’m being to strict or not enough. I swear this stuff has got harder, I thought I had being a mum sussed. I’ve even thought maybe I should go back to work for a few days a week now to give us both a little break. It’s not because I don’t love Emily, because I love her more than life itself it’s just sometimes she seem’s happier with other people and that’s maybe because we are together 24/7. I feel so guilty writing this, as everyone keeps saying how they couldn’t stand to go back to work. Us mummies have to stop judging ourselves because we are all different and it doesn’t mean we love our children any less or more.

This month I went away for a few days (4) to Portugal which was lovely and gave me a little break. While I was away Dan had Emily for 3 days and Karen 1 day and apparently Emily was brilliant. I had a pang of jealousy because for me she had been a nightmare. How come? I honestly thought she hated me.

Then 3 days ago I had an aphifiny, it’s not Emily’s it’s me! When you have her every day and try and stick to such a strict regime, it’s no wonder she wants to rebel against it. So I’m trying a new approach, CHILL OUT! And almost overnight her attitude changed and she’s back to being my happy laughing little girl. It’s so hard to climb out of a hole you’ve dug yourself. I really do believe babies vibe of you, if you’re stressed then they are too. Now I’m not saying I’m going to be chilled every day, as that’s just crazy talk… but… if she is an hour late for her nap, or doesn’t want to eat all her lunch or wants a cuddle I’m just going to go with it (or try). It’s crazy how this shift in mindset has instantly made Emily and I feel calmer. Last night she even slept through again.

Now on to my body! My friend sent me this picture the other day… she wasn’t being rude, it was after a discussion where we were discussing a part of our body after having a baby and breastfeeding 😂.. I think the picture explains it better than words.

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Until next time x

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Dear Emily, (6 months)

OMG!!! Where has the last 6 months gone. Time is going crazy fast.

So we got back from America (where you were amazing) but I knew it couldn’t last. You have serious jetlag, and keep waking up twice in the night. I know I need to stop feeding you in the night, but every time I try and stop I am just too tired to pace the floor with you, plus your cry is like opening a tap on mummy’s milk and so I give in. Your dad has more patience than me, so he has tried a couple of nights and now you don’t get fed in the night and sleep through from 7.30-5am.

A lot has been going on for you this month with regards to sleep time. You are now in your own room… Ekkkk!! We’ve set up the angel care monitor just for that little piece of mind. I know there is mixed debate about the angel care monitor. You didn’t have one for the first 6 months, but I’m not 100% comfortable with you in your own room and it puts me at ease. Mummy also tried controlled crying, I lasted 3 days and decided you’re too young. You weren’t really having any of it, and screamed the house down, so my thinking is try again in a few months. We can’t do everything all at once, hey.

Now on to your development… You’re now grabbing things with two hands which is exciting. Although pinching mummy’s arms is your new favourite pass time and it really hurts. You’re mastering the art of sitting up. We put the breastfeeding cushion behind you just incase you fall over. You are so much more alert now, and love all your toys. Your bubble sensory lamp (Argos, is now a big hit (finally), you also like Vtech Crawl & learn rotating ball (£16 from Entertainer). No signs of crawling yet though, I do try different activities to help you, but you have no interest haha. You are definitely stubborn, and I wonder where you get that from???  You are however becoming more vocal, and are starting to make the cutest sounds.

You have also started trying different foods, but that’s for another page…

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With your development, you always seem to be a few weeks behind your friends. I think the sleepyhead stops you from moving in your sleep, which might be hindering you rolling? I hate to admit it, but mummy does think why isn’t emily doing that? You’ll learn one of mummy’s bad traits is she’s competitive and it’s not a nice quality. You will learn to do things in your own time and your own way and mummy needs to chill. No two babies are the same, and I shouldn’t compare you to other babies. You might be a couple weeks behind but you are the smilest, happiest baby I’ve ever met and I wouldn’t change a thing about you.

Love you more than the world

xxx

 

Dear Emily, (4 months)

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4 months already, where has that time gone? When you were first born, everyone said cherish this time because it goes so quick. I thought phah, yeah right every day feels like a lifetime, but after you turned 2 months the last 2 months have literally flown by. You now have all your features and a little personality, you are definitely not a newborn anymore.

Now on to your sleep, literally on the day you turned 4 months you thought, I’ve been giving mummy an easy ride soooo I’m going to decide to not take my naps during the day and wake up at 3am. Just as I thought I had this sleep stuff sussed. Every day and night is different nowadays. I used to be able to take you to morning classes, but now I only know if I can go based on your nights sleep and morning nap. If you are asleep, mummy ain’t going anywhere because you scream at me if I wake you. I did it once and never again! You are not transportable. I know that people say Im making a rod for my own back, but there not the ones who have paced the halls for 20 minutes getting you to sleep 😂

Development wise you did roll this month, well kind of! You rolled on my soft bed so I don’t think it counts and you haven’t done it since. You are not interested, you literally lie flat like a pancake, I think it will be a little while until you role. Your stomach muscles are getting good, you can now sit up but not unaided yet. I look at everything you should be doing and then start to panic because your not doing it, I need to let go and realise all babies are different otherwise ill drive myself crazy.

Talking about crazy the weather is finally getting nice. But with hot weather comes the dilemma of what to dress you in during the day & night? Plus are you meant to wear suntan lotion, stay covered up? What?

Daddy left us for 9 days and nights because he was working at Chelsea Flower  Show. The first 5 days were fine but by day 6 I was literally climbing the walls.  I love spending time with you, but when daddy gets home it’s nice to have a little relief because he will take you. I have new found love and appreciation for single mums, doing this on your own must be so tough. You were not your normal self and were so upset all the time (turns out you were teething, but I’ll save that for another post). It’s funny, I’m a really social person but during this time I didn’t want to see anyone. I cried a few times and had a couple of glasses of prosecco once you’d gone to bed. I felt like a walking zombie. Why is it we only realise afterwards and don’t talk about it when it’s happening? I hope that if you ever feel down or upset you can always talk to me.

Next Step – Nurseries…. I have had a look round a couple and I think I am being a bit over the top because I am not 100% with any nursery, which is stupid because they’re brilliant nurseries. I even cried! (what a loser mummy is) Perhaps we will investigate the childminder route?

xxx