So the tears have finally come. I thought I was all cool and then bloody Ed Sheeran’s ‘Perfect’ comes on the radio and I’m literally talking to myself whilst hyperventilating. How does music do that??!! When my friends went back to work, and they said they were all emotional I remember thinking.. Really???! But it’s almost like a big wave of guilt comes crashing down on you that you will only experience once it happens to you.
When I thought about going back to work, I thought I’m going to make a real effort in my appearance so I don’t look so awful. But who has time for that! I wake up at 6am, and generally have about 15 minutes to have a shower and get ready before Emily screams ‘I’m awake’ (Not literally as she can’t talk, but you get my drift). So there is me trying to put on mascara whilst keeping one eye on Emily making sure she doesn’t fall off the bed and the other on the mirror. How do mums have their shit together and look so good!! I seriously need a lesson and would love to hear how other mums do it… So please fellow mums, how do you look so good? And those mums that say they have time for the gym to.. I need to seriously improve my organisational skills. I must also add that Dan (my husband) leaves for work at 6am, so I am a lone ranger in the mornings.
The Nursery drop off isn’t too bad, Emily makes no fuss and actually can’t wait to get away from me. For those mums out there, who have crying babies when you drop them off, I get it that it’s probably harder for you but at least you know your child loves you. Emily reaches out to give Maddie & Kim (her key workers) a great big hug, then waves me goodbye. WTF, I carried you for 9 months and looked after you non stop for a year, I would like a little appreciation.
I suppose her being like that, does help the mum guilt as I know that she is happy and having fun. It’s also really nice to eat my lunch and have a wee in peace. I think you take the little things like that for granted. I do have some fantastic clients who keep me busy so doesn’t give me a lot of time to worry too much about Emily. I do call the nursery once a day just to check how she is. I don’t know if you are supposed to, or when you should stop calling? Am I one of ‘those’ mums ekkk?
All in all, my first few weeks back at work have been ok. It’s all about making moments count. I might not have as much time with her as I did, but now instead of being on my phone around her, I don’t look at my phone until she has gone to bed and at weekends I try not to look at it as much.
Like I said, it’s only been a few weeks. I will keep you updated how it goes.