Mummy is Back at Work!!!

So the tears have finally come. I thought I was all cool and then bloody Ed Sheeran’s ‘Perfect’ comes on the radio and I’m literally talking to myself whilst hyperventilating. How does music do that??!! When my friends went back to work, and they said they were all emotional I remember thinking.. Really???! But it’s almost like a big wave of guilt comes crashing down on you that you will only experience once it happens to you.

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When I thought about going back to work, I thought I’m going to make a real effort in my appearance so I don’t look so awful. But who has time for that! I wake up at 6am, and generally have about 15 minutes to have a shower and get ready before Emily screams ‘I’m awake’ (Not literally as she can’t talk, but you get my drift). So there is me trying to put on mascara whilst keeping one eye on Emily making sure she doesn’t fall off the bed and the other on the mirror. How do mums have their shit together and look so good!! I seriously need a lesson and would love to hear how other mums do it… So please fellow mums, how do you look so good? And those mums that say they have time for the gym to.. I need to seriously improve my organisational skills. I must also add that Dan (my husband) leaves for work at 6am, so I am a lone ranger in the mornings.

The Nursery drop off isn’t too bad, Emily makes no fuss and actually can’t wait to get away from me. For those mums out there, who have crying babies when you drop them off, I get it that it’s probably harder for you but at least you know your child loves you. Emily reaches out to give Maddie & Kim (her key workers) a great big hug, then waves me goodbye. WTF, I carried you for 9 months and looked after you non stop for a year, I would like a little appreciation.

I suppose her being like that, does help the mum guilt as I know that she is happy and having fun. It’s also really nice to eat my lunch and have a wee in peace. I think you take the little things like that for granted. I do have some fantastic clients who keep me busy so doesn’t give me a lot of time to worry too much about Emily. I do call the nursery once a day just to check how she is. I don’t know if you are supposed to, or when you should stop calling? Am I one of ‘those’ mums ekkk?

All in all, my first few weeks back at work have been ok. It’s all about making moments count. I might not have as much time with her as I did, but now instead of being on my phone around her, I don’t look at my phone until she has gone to bed and at weekends I try not to look at it as much.

Like I said, it’s only been a few weeks. I will keep you updated how it goes.

SJ x

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Dear Emily, Mummy is Going Back to Work…..

81BF769D-9A95-448B-B047-D0910CC3E220.jpegSo today is my last day of maternity. I have been so privileged to have had 13 months off with you. I only get statatory maternity and so originally mummy thought she could only afford 6-9 months, but thanks to your amazing hard working daddy and a lot of saving we made it happen.

I really hope you don’t think mummy went back to work because she didn’t want to spend time with you because that’s no true. Mummy wants to provide the best life possible for you, and to do that mummy needs to work.

2017 has been the hardest, most rewarding and amazing  year of my life. It makes me want to cry when I think of how proud I am of you. You have turned into an independent, calm yet fiery , funny little girl. There have been times over the last year where I wished this day to come when I get my independence back, but now it’s here I am a mixture of emotions. How am I going to cope all day away from my Emsie?

As I’m writing this I’m sitting in the reception area of your nursery where you’re having your settling in session. There have been no tears from either of us yet, but you’ve only been in nursery an hour and I’m in the same building!! Mummy looked round a lot of nurseries, and Horsham Nursery is perfect for you. Your key workers Maddie & Kim are amazing and you are already giving them big cuddles.

As a mum I think you always question whether you are making the right decision. Is it right to go back to work, especially full time time? Apparently only 25% of mums go back full time, with the majority going back part time. This certainly rings true with our friends, and I’m totally jealous of those mummies working part time.

Just remember little one that mummy loves you more than the world!

I’ll let you know how our first week goes next time!!!

Love Mummy xxx

 

Dear Emily (1 Year)

We are finally talking in years not months! Mummy set out to write you a diary for your first year and turn it into a book with photos and I’ve done it! Yay! It’s something you can read when you’re a bit older and I hope you enjoy it.

We decided to throw you a big 1st Birthday & Christening combined. Unfortunately you were a bit poorly and decided to be sick in the morning, but being who you are, you didn’t let that stop you. You were brilliant all day! You wore the dress both mummy & Nana wore when they were christened. You got sooo many presents you lucky thing, mummy is still writing the thank you cards.

Still no sign of walking, although you do walk with the walker now which is an improvement.  You will only do it though if mummy & daddy give you praise and encouragement (surprise surprise). You got a toy where you put balls in the top and it swirls round, you are so clever you picked up how to do it straight away. You even know how to open it up to get the balls out, it’s probably your favourite toy at the moment.

You are still loving your food, probably a little too much over Christmas. You are ate so much rubbish, not fed by me I’ll add (rest of the family). Oh and you hated meeting Father Christmas! You screamed the whole time!

You have also started Nursery this month but I’ll save that for the next post!

Until next time little one xx

Dear Emily, (11 months)

You are turning into such an amazing little person! You are so calm 80% of the time, unless you don’t get your own way. When you don’t get your own way, let the strops begin! You go from 0-100 in less than a second. I wonder who  you get that from???!! It’s nothing that a biscuit can’t fix though.

Your speech is really coming on. You now understand Ta, and say it all the time. You call mummy RaRa, I don’t know if that’s anything to do with the lion on CBeebies but I’ll take it. You say Dada, but I don’t think you know what you’re saying. You do things like high 5, you understand when we say clap your hands. You know bye and hi ya, you are really coming on.

No sign of walking yet though. You won’t even walk on the walker so think we have a way to go. Crawling it is!

Thats about it for now, not a great deal happening this month!

love you more than the world x

Dear Emily, (10 months)

1577D55C-DB1F-4B2C-97BD-A05AF3DC0BA1.jpegOmg, it’s been too long!! Life hasn’t spared me 5 minutes, but I’m back, so I’ll pick up from where I left off.

Only last month I was worried that you weren’t crawling and now you’re everywhere!! Not only crawling but standing up on furniture. You have hundreds of toys but of course you want things like, cups, pulling baby wipes out, remote control, my phone… You’re now babbling lots saying Dada, Baba and hi ya, but you don’t know what any of it means so I wouldn’t say it’s your first word, or do you? Everyone always seems to know their babies first word, but i’m not sure what I’m going to tell you. Which makes me question if Nanna lies to mummy about her first word. You are mastering things like waving and clapping and you understand when I say things like arms up, No, cuddles, hi & bye. Understanding & listening though are two very separate things.

Talking about understanding me and No. You have started biting and it really hurts. You caught me off guard and bit me and I shouted No. Your little lip started to wobble and you started crying. I felt so awful. You definitely understand tone of voice ekkk.

I can’t say we have mastered sleep yet as that changes on a nightly basis. It doesn’t help that you have a cold all the time. I’ve even bought the calpol night plug but I’m not sure it’s helped. This winter you’ve picked up so many bugs. It’s like a constant stream of snot from your nose… mmmmm ….

This month we went away for a weekend to Norwich. We stayed at the premier inn where it’s all you can eat breakfast. Before I knew it, I had 4 plates in front of me… They were all for you, you had a variety of food. Daddy made me look at what I’d got for you, and said I’m ‘one of those mums’ I instantly new what he meant… I give you far to much choice. I always thought I’d be the strict one but I’m not, I panda to you massively. You are now trying so many foods. You feed yourself for one meal (baby led).

Anyways that’s about it for now. Until next time little one x

 

Dear Emily, (9 months)

55112553-8F1A-4894-B049-A60CCCFF9F50You are crawling!!! Yay!! 25th September to be precise, so 9 months & 1 week. It’s funny mamma was worrying that you would never crawl but you seemed to do it around the average time. The first few weeks of you crawling you were quite sceptical of moving, you were very cautious (not anymore).

Now you’re crawling we’ve had to lower the cot down because you were pulling yourself up. Problem is mumma is so short I struggle to put you down in it. I think I might need to get a step, hopefully you won’t inherit mumma’s  short genes. Sleeping has regressed again, maybe it’s because you’re learning new things your brain can’t switch off. You are up every few hours, you’ve had a cold which has lasted a few weeks which doesn’t help. We always come up with an excuse of why you aren’t sleeping haha. You don’t even want to nap. Mamma stupidly thought you would have your nap and attempted to dye my hair, after about 15 minutes of starting applying it , you woke and screamed the house down. I was so torn of what to do. I ended up washing it out (I hadn’t even applied it all). I can’t tell you how stressed I was.

You still aren’t showing mamma much love. It was so funny at swimming, I passed you to the swim instructor as I got in the pool and you cuddled her and didn’t want to come back to me. Most babies are the opposite and don’t want to be passed to other people , but you really don’t care. Hopefully you’ll show me love soon.

You are really starting to get an amazing  personality. You aren’t afraid of anything, you even growl at dogs (family dogs not random) that come up to you in your face. You definitely show them who’s boss.

You know what ‘No’ is, but you weigh it up whether what you are doing is worth it. You are starting to understand what we mean when we are talking to you, you definitely understand cuddles. Still no words, only mumbling and bababa, but you’ll get there

Love you more than the world x

Dear Emily, (8 months)

Mummy went away for a few days (4) to Portugal which was lovely and gave me a little break. You were amazing with Daddy, no tantrums at all. Nanny had you for a day too. You are such a smiley lovely baby, you have this little infectious laugh where you scrunch up your nose and make a little grunting sound. You are so good with other people, you’re not fussed about being left at all. Which is great, but mummy does get a little upset sometimes that you don’t miss me. But oh well, on to what’s been happening this month….

Development

So you have a few developments this month, things are starting to happen

  • Rolling back to front & front to back a lot more. It’s normal now for you to roll.
  • crawling backwards
  • Clapping hands
  • Waving hello & goodbye
  • Can get from sitting to on belly & belly to sitting.

You are so nearly there with crawling, but you can’t seem to stay on your knees. Your legs keep going out. You are sooo alert though, and doing great with your cognitive development. You can use other objects to get the one you want. You can find hidden items under your building blocks.

Sleep

Well…. what used to be your strong point has disappeared! I’m not sure why but for the last 3 weeks you have started waking up nearly every 2 hours. You can’t ignore you, as you scream. I keep blaming your new teeth, or the fact we went camping… mummy always finds an excuse haha. Every night is different and me and your dad argue every night trying to decide how we should get you back to sleep. For the first 40 minutes I’m all calm, then I go to all cray cray.

I was really confident with your naps, it was like clockwork 8-10am, 2-3pm but now I don’t know if what I’m doing is the best? You dont seem to like those times or the amount anymore. It’s so hard, I second guess myself all the time. Am I being to strict on you with your naps? Should I just let you do what you want?

Eating

This is something you take after mummy with. You love your food. So we have upped what you eat. You have 3 bottles a day plus porridge for breakfast, veg pot & fruit pot for lunch, biscuits for a snack & meat pot and fruit pot for dinner. I’m even considering upping it again as you eat it all. You are now drinking a lot my water, which has really helped your pooing.

Health

You are now pooing nearly every day which is such a massive relief for mummy.

Apart from teething, this month has been quite a good month for you. You have managed to swerve all the bugs going round.

I wrote the above section a week before 9 months old. Since then you have got the bug!! You woke up around 6am and had had severe diarrhoea and sickness. We had to pop you in the bath. You didn’t even make a sound. We ended up phoning 111, and had to go to the hospital. Turns out it’s just a bug. It went on for 3 days, so we went to the doctors and we’re advised to give you apple juice and things like potatos and bread. Totally different from what I thought, apparently water and dry crackers isn’t the right thing to give you. The doctor was right, a day after doing what he said and you were well again.

Thsts about it this month….

Love you lots

Mummy xxx

Mummy’s Diary Entry

Over the last few weeks, emily hasn’t been herself. Not sleeping, crying randomly. Turns out she’s got 3 new teeth coming through all at the same time. Problem is, you never know this until the worst has happened. Emily has always been a good sleeper, so I couldn’t really sympathise with mum’s who were up every night. Well now I can, and by god do I feel for you. Being sleep deprived makes you go a bit cray cray. Dan & I have such arguements in the night about the ‘right ‘ way of getting emily back to sleep. Dans way is bringing her into bed, mine is rocking her. Neither I am sure is right.

I keep second guessing myself, and worry I’m being to strict or not enough. I swear this stuff has got harder, I thought I had being a mum sussed. I’ve even thought maybe I should go back to work for a few days a week now to give us both a little break. It’s not because I don’t love Emily, because I love her more than life itself it’s just sometimes she seem’s happier with other people and that’s maybe because we are together 24/7. I feel so guilty writing this, as everyone keeps saying how they couldn’t stand to go back to work. Us mummies have to stop judging ourselves because we are all different and it doesn’t mean we love our children any less or more.

This month I went away for a few days (4) to Portugal which was lovely and gave me a little break. While I was away Dan had Emily for 3 days and Karen 1 day and apparently Emily was brilliant. I had a pang of jealousy because for me she had been a nightmare. How come? I honestly thought she hated me.

Then 3 days ago I had an aphifiny, it’s not Emily’s it’s me! When you have her every day and try and stick to such a strict regime, it’s no wonder she wants to rebel against it. So I’m trying a new approach, CHILL OUT! And almost overnight her attitude changed and she’s back to being my happy laughing little girl. It’s so hard to climb out of a hole you’ve dug yourself. I really do believe babies vibe of you, if you’re stressed then they are too. Now I’m not saying I’m going to be chilled every day, as that’s just crazy talk… but… if she is an hour late for her nap, or doesn’t want to eat all her lunch or wants a cuddle I’m just going to go with it (or try). It’s crazy how this shift in mindset has instantly made Emily and I feel calmer. Last night she even slept through again.

Now on to my body! My friend sent me this picture the other day… she wasn’t being rude, it was after a discussion where we were discussing a part of our body after having a baby and breastfeeding 😂.. I think the picture explains it better than words.

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Until next time x

Dear Emily, (7 months)

So by now I had this expectation that you would be crawling & talking. But …. You can barely roll bless you, but that’s ok cause you sleep and your happy. Seriously though, there has been a little development. You are sitting up really well, bouncing on your bum and you are rolling. It’s funny because now you’re rolling at night you roll on your front and I have a heartattack. I get up about twice in the night and turn you back over because I’m scared you can’t breath. (I don’t do this now).

Talking about sleep, you now go through until about 6am which is lovely. I think it’s because if it’s before 5am I just leave you to have a moan and so now you’ve got used to it.

At 7ish months mummy has stopped breastfeeding. When I started weaning you off at 6 months it was really emotional but by the end it was ok. I do miss it and maybe I gave up to soon, but I felt it was time. You are doing so well with food and you take formula, so you get all you need. Your still on the 75th percentile for weight and 91st percentile for height, so your doing ok.

We’re loving the doctors at the moment, so much so that I think the receptionists now recognise us. I think you have been to the doctors more in your life than I have in my 32 years. We have been for your lack of pooing, bum thrush, lump on your lower back, and your ears. That’s all this month! Your pooing or lack of is becoming a problem. I keep going back to the doctors but there not much help. The longest is 11 days, but on average you’ll go once a week and when you do it’s like pellets = Constipation. I have tried everything… Baby massage, prunes & prune juice purée, more water, special formula, apple & pear juice (from farm shop), bicycle legs etc etc but you just don’t want to poo. When you do you scream the house down, it’s so sad, mummy cries with you. It’s the most heart wrenching feeling watching your baby in pain.IMG_8802

Thats about it for this month. Not a lot to report, I’m thinking 8 months old is your month! Haha

love you lots

mummy

Mummy Meltdowns

IMG_9031Firstly, I love being a mum & I love Emily more than the world. I don’t want people reading this thinking ‘unappreciative cow’. But there are times when I find it particular tough, it’s not always plain sailing.

Being a mum is like a rollercoaster. One minute you’re happy and feel like the luckiest person in the world, the next you’re angry and feel like ‘why me’! You honestly think you’re going crazy. I probably have a rant to Dan atleast once a day. I speak to myself and say leave the poor man alone, but it just comes out and my body feels like it’s on a fire! Before you all think, wow she needs help (believe me I’ve thought about it at times) but my friends assure me this is normal. Haha.

The Housewive

Talking of normal, I swear it’s not normal to have as much washing up and clothes to wash as I do now. Where does it all come from? I feel like all I do is clean up all the time. That or make purées that Emily won’t eat. I really did have this great ideal of having dinner on the table when dan got home and having an immaculate house. I really do get it when Dans says what have you done all day. Before I had Emily I would have asked the exact same thing. It’s crazy where time goes.

Sleep

Considering I don’t do a great deal, I’m always tired. On average I reckon I get about 6 hours sleep, now I already hear some mums shouting at this blog thinking 6 hours is a lot. Well not for me, I’m an 8 hours sleep girl and without it I feel like rubbish. I know I should go to bed earlier, but I had like 8 weeks of love island, and I couldn’t miss that. My friends were all on whatsapp talking about it, so I had to watch it live.

Weight

So firstly people like Binky Felstead, back to size 8 in 8 weeks is totally unrealistic. Who does that?! Definitely not me. 7 months on and I’m only just allowed to do exercise. Granted I’m over 3 stone lighter than when I gave birth but that’s mainly to do with breastfeeding.

I’m always going to have a mum tum, you know that pouch at the bottom of your belly, and do you know what….I’m proud of it! Our bodies go through a miracle and it’s time we start appreciating it.

Those days…

I think every mum has had them. Those days when your baby just cries for hours and you don’t know whether to scream or cry. I had one on Monday, and no matter what I did Emily just cried. You start off saying ‘there, there darling’ then it leads to ‘what is wrong with you!’ haha. Then you get that call from your husband saying I’m working late tonight! Well then you feel like the whole world is falling around you.

For me being a mum is amazing, but there are days when you think you are doing a rubbish job and those days are tough, really tough. The worst is on those days you don’t want to see anyone. I know that I should ring a friend and meet up on those days, but it’s just hard. But do you know what? I’m going to try and do that next time.

P.S

1.)  How do you hold an umbrella in torrential rain whilst pushing a buggy.

2.) How do you go for a wee when you are swimming with a baby and there’s no where to put the baby?

Until next time

xxx