Mummy Meltdowns

IMG_9031Firstly, I love being a mum & I love Emily more than the world. I don’t want people reading this thinking ‘unappreciative cow’. But there are times when I find it particular tough, it’s not always plain sailing.

Being a mum is like a rollercoaster. One minute you’re happy and feel like the luckiest person in the world, the next you’re angry and feel like ‘why me’! You honestly think you’re going crazy. I probably have a rant to Dan atleast once a day. I speak to myself and say leave the poor man alone, but it just comes out and my body feels like it’s on a fire! Before you all think, wow she needs help (believe me I’ve thought about it at times) but my friends assure me this is normal. Haha.

The Housewive

Talking of normal, I swear it’s not normal to have as much washing up and clothes to wash as I do now. Where does it all come from? I feel like all I do is clean up all the time. That or make purées that Emily won’t eat. I really did have this great ideal of having dinner on the table when dan got home and having an immaculate house. I really do get it when Dans says what have you done all day. Before I had Emily I would have asked the exact same thing. It’s crazy where time goes.

Sleep

Considering I don’t do a great deal, I’m always tired. On average I reckon I get about 6 hours sleep, now I already hear some mums shouting at this blog thinking 6 hours is a lot. Well not for me, I’m an 8 hours sleep girl and without it I feel like rubbish. I know I should go to bed earlier, but I had like 8 weeks of love island, and I couldn’t miss that. My friends were all on whatsapp talking about it, so I had to watch it live.

Weight

So firstly people like Binky Felstead, back to size 8 in 8 weeks is totally unrealistic. Who does that?! Definitely not me. 7 months on and I’m only just allowed to do exercise. Granted I’m over 3 stone lighter than when I gave birth but that’s mainly to do with breastfeeding.

I’m always going to have a mum tum, you know that pouch at the bottom of your belly, and do you know what….I’m proud of it! Our bodies go through a miracle and it’s time we start appreciating it.

Those days…

I think every mum has had them. Those days when your baby just cries for hours and you don’t know whether to scream or cry. I had one on Monday, and no matter what I did Emily just cried. You start off saying ‘there, there darling’ then it leads to ‘what is wrong with you!’ haha. Then you get that call from your husband saying I’m working late tonight! Well then you feel like the whole world is falling around you.

For me being a mum is amazing, but there are days when you think you are doing a rubbish job and those days are tough, really tough. The worst is on those days you don’t want to see anyone. I know that I should ring a friend and meet up on those days, but it’s just hard. But do you know what? I’m going to try and do that next time.

P.S

1.)  How do you hold an umbrella in torrential rain whilst pushing a buggy.

2.) How do you go for a wee when you are swimming with a baby and there’s no where to put the baby?

Until next time

xxx

 

 

Dear Emily, (Weaning)

So mummy started giving you food at 6 months.

We started with lunch, and you would only do a couple of baby spoonful’s. I cooked singular foods and puréed them for a couple of weeks to find out what you liked. Your favourites were sweet potato, butternut squash, apples & pears. You’re weren’t a big fan of strawberries, cauliflower or broccoli to start with. It took about 30-40 minutes for you to take 2 spoonful’s. The first couple of weeks felt like you would never eat food. You would close your lips so tight and kept shaking your head, to say No.

 

Then overnight it changed and you started wanting the food. Surprise surprise though, you wanted to feed yourself. So I introduced breakfast. You are not a fan of baby porridge, you are much more of a Greek yogurt and fruit girl (now you like strawberries). Which doesn’t surprise me because when I was pregnant I craved fruit all the time. Then came dinner, and we started mixing up the flavours and combing food, Ella’s kitchen & Annabel Karmel books came in very handy. You will try lots of things now, the only thing your not a fan of is cauliflower cheese.

At 7 months I now mix it up at give you finger foods such as melon, sweet potato fries (homemade), pitta etc… You love feeding yourself. I was really nervous at first that you would choke and I had my baby first aid book out in case I had to quickly do First Aid. But turns out your gag reflexes are really good. (Fingers crossed this continues).

So your food routine now looks a bit like this….

6am 7oz bottle

7am Breakfast

10.30am 7oz bottle

12.30 Lunch

3pm 7oz bottle

5pm Dinner

I have no idea if what I am doing is right, but it seems to work for us. I know what you’re thinking, how does mummy fit all this in!  Daddy thinks all I do is go out for lunch and coffee all the time… Well this on top of your naps and it’s actually very tough. I also started off making all your food, after about a month I succumbed to Ella (I only use the pouches sometimes) Ella’s kitchen pouches are 100% food, unlike the others. You read the back of them and they contain things I’ve never heard of. That being said in order for Ella’s kitchen not to contain the other stuff it must be cooked at a really high temperature which takes away some of the goodness. But… pouches are sometimes so much easier .

You hate water, I’ve tried it in your bottle and I’ve bought about 100 cups but you are not a fan. You do have the odd day when you’ll drink it, and I throw a party and get so excited thinking I’ve cracked it. Little does mummy know you’re luring me into a false pretence. Haha.

I do wonder what you’re like with food when you read this. Will you still eat everything or will you become more fussy? Time will tell my little one.

Love you

mummy x

Dear Emily, (6 months)

OMG!!! Where has the last 6 months gone. Time is going crazy fast.

So we got back from America (where you were amazing) but I knew it couldn’t last. You have serious jetlag, and keep waking up twice in the night. I know I need to stop feeding you in the night, but every time I try and stop I am just too tired to pace the floor with you, plus your cry is like opening a tap on mummy’s milk and so I give in. Your dad has more patience than me, so he has tried a couple of nights and now you don’t get fed in the night and sleep through from 7.30-5am.

A lot has been going on for you this month with regards to sleep time. You are now in your own room… Ekkkk!! We’ve set up the angel care monitor just for that little piece of mind. I know there is mixed debate about the angel care monitor. You didn’t have one for the first 6 months, but I’m not 100% comfortable with you in your own room and it puts me at ease. Mummy also tried controlled crying, I lasted 3 days and decided you’re too young. You weren’t really having any of it, and screamed the house down, so my thinking is try again in a few months. We can’t do everything all at once, hey.

Now on to your development… You’re now grabbing things with two hands which is exciting. Although pinching mummy’s arms is your new favourite pass time and it really hurts. You’re mastering the art of sitting up. We put the breastfeeding cushion behind you just incase you fall over. You are so much more alert now, and love all your toys. Your bubble sensory lamp (Argos, is now a big hit (finally), you also like Vtech Crawl & learn rotating ball (£16 from Entertainer). No signs of crawling yet though, I do try different activities to help you, but you have no interest haha. You are definitely stubborn, and I wonder where you get that from???  You are however becoming more vocal, and are starting to make the cutest sounds.

You have also started trying different foods, but that’s for another page…

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With your development, you always seem to be a few weeks behind your friends. I think the sleepyhead stops you from moving in your sleep, which might be hindering you rolling? I hate to admit it, but mummy does think why isn’t emily doing that? You’ll learn one of mummy’s bad traits is she’s competitive and it’s not a nice quality. You will learn to do things in your own time and your own way and mummy needs to chill. No two babies are the same, and I shouldn’t compare you to other babies. You might be a couple weeks behind but you are the smilest, happiest baby I’ve ever met and I wouldn’t change a thing about you.

Love you more than the world

xxx

 

Dear Emily, (your first holiday)

First Holiday : 5 months Old (For 3 and a bit Weeks to US.)

So your first time on a plane and you fly upper class to New York!!! Daddy had airmiles so we thought why not, don’t get used to that though because by the time you read this we will probably be poor because mummy keeps buying too much stuff and daddy is threatening divorce (only playing).

On the flight we were expecting the worst, I had two bags of toys, a wrap carrier thing, bottles and I even brought dummies just incase. But you were amazing!! You were quite happy just chilling watching movies. We fed you on the way up and down, but the pressure didn’t seem to bother you. You even adapted to the time zone difference… I mean, how? I actually got a little concerned you were being too good and something was wrong. Your car seat was a god send, because otherwise getting taxi’s would have been a nightmare. We took you strolling around New York and we showed you were mummy & daddy got engaged. You even travelled on the subway. Getting around isn’t as easy as it used to be, but we managed. We took you out for dinners and made sure we got you back home at a resonanble time.

Then we flew from New York to Florida and the fun began. You were not happy, and we were trying our best to entertain you. I overheard a lady in front saying she gives her kids benedril before a flight! Why does everyone have an opinion and feel the need to express it??!!! Especially strangers!! Anyways we arrived in Florida, Daddy lost mummy’s wallet on the plane and so we didn’t get off to the best of starts, needless to stay mummy was very angry. Unfortunately you and me seem to be moody at the same time.

Florida was amazing, your auntie & uncle loved you very much but I was overwhelmed with how much your cousins love you. Channon & Naomi were fighting over who could cuddle and give you your bottle, you’re a very loved little girl. The heat in Florida was a bit of a worry for me, as it was in the 30’s. On really hot nights you just slept in a rest. Also on holiday, I seemed to forget time… this meant all of a sudden I would look at the time and think, god I need to feed you or change your nappy and then id get in a faff… I know what your thinking, mummy, faff, never! haha….

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Then the time came for mummy & daddy to go to Nashville. WITHOUT YOU 😬 We went for 3 nights, and I was wracked in guilt for leaving you. Although we were having an amazing time, I did say to your dad shall we go home a day early to see you. He wasn’t having any of it, and actually got a bit upset with mummy as I should have just relaxed. I think when you’re a mummy relaxing, is actually a tough job. You didn’t care, you were having a brilliant time. You even covered auntie claire in a gigantic projectile poo 😂 When we got back, you sat up on your own!! Wow, I got so excited. Little did I know you did it in the 3 days I was away from you. Why does that always seem to happen.

 

We then went down to Key West, it was such a long drive for you but your lovely cousins sat in the back with you and we’re keeping you entertained. This is when we found your love for finding nemo. When we got back to Florida, you went to all the parks and went on some rides. Your favourite was the new avatar ride, as its sensory overload it was brilliant seeing your little eyes light up.

Now don’t get me wrong, we had a very different holiday, than we used to have. But you were so chilled on holiday. I couldn’t have wished for a more well behaved baby. I hope it continues, but we will see. Isn’t it good baby naughty toddler? 😬

Love Mummy x

Few Items that we found useful (not including bottles, nappies etc) ….

– Car Seat (wrap in bubble wrap and buy a check in bag, £10 from Amazon)

– Stroller (that your not fussed about. We bought a silvercross zest.)

– Sleepyhead (god send, emily’s home away from home, we just put it in the travel cot)

Dear Emily, (Your first tooth)

For the last 2 months whenever you grizzled I would say ‘oh she’s teething’, I find a lot of mums do exactly the same. However when you were actually teething, I just thought… ‘what is wrong with you?’ People felt inside your mouth and went owwww her gums are hard, i’d feel and go ‘oh yeah’! But really I didn’t have a clue what I was feeling.

Your first tooth (front, bottom right) poked through on Thursday 11th May and it’s super sharp. You’ve actually marked me, because you won’t chew teething rings, only mummy’s finger will do, or mummy’s nipple. A friend recently sent me this picture…

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And it’s soooo true!!!

Back to when I first found out about your first tooth… I was at a work do and someone pointed it out and said oh her first tooth is through, what a bad mum I hadn’t even noticed. It did explain a lot though. Your dad had been working away for over a week and you were driving me crazy!! Crying all the time, and I had no idea what was wrong. That drive home from Guildford after my work do (it was during the day) was the hardest drive I’ve ever had in my life! You literally screamed the car down, I stopped 3 times to try and calm you down but every time I put you back in the car you screamed again. I rang your dad just to share my pain, he couldn’t hear me over your screaming.

Your second tooth (front bottom left) came through about a week later, and was no where near as bad as the first (thank god). I think (hope) the worst is over.

Famous last words 😬

Love mummy x

 

 

 

Dear Emily, (4 months)

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4 months already, where has that time gone? When you were first born, everyone said cherish this time because it goes so quick. I thought phah, yeah right every day feels like a lifetime, but after you turned 2 months the last 2 months have literally flown by. You now have all your features and a little personality, you are definitely not a newborn anymore.

Now on to your sleep, literally on the day you turned 4 months you thought, I’ve been giving mummy an easy ride soooo I’m going to decide to not take my naps during the day and wake up at 3am. Just as I thought I had this sleep stuff sussed. Every day and night is different nowadays. I used to be able to take you to morning classes, but now I only know if I can go based on your nights sleep and morning nap. If you are asleep, mummy ain’t going anywhere because you scream at me if I wake you. I did it once and never again! You are not transportable. I know that people say Im making a rod for my own back, but there not the ones who have paced the halls for 20 minutes getting you to sleep 😂

Development wise you did roll this month, well kind of! You rolled on my soft bed so I don’t think it counts and you haven’t done it since. You are not interested, you literally lie flat like a pancake, I think it will be a little while until you role. Your stomach muscles are getting good, you can now sit up but not unaided yet. I look at everything you should be doing and then start to panic because your not doing it, I need to let go and realise all babies are different otherwise ill drive myself crazy.

Talking about crazy the weather is finally getting nice. But with hot weather comes the dilemma of what to dress you in during the day & night? Plus are you meant to wear suntan lotion, stay covered up? What?

Daddy left us for 9 days and nights because he was working at Chelsea Flower  Show. The first 5 days were fine but by day 6 I was literally climbing the walls.  I love spending time with you, but when daddy gets home it’s nice to have a little relief because he will take you. I have new found love and appreciation for single mums, doing this on your own must be so tough. You were not your normal self and were so upset all the time (turns out you were teething, but I’ll save that for another post). It’s funny, I’m a really social person but during this time I didn’t want to see anyone. I cried a few times and had a couple of glasses of prosecco once you’d gone to bed. I felt like a walking zombie. Why is it we only realise afterwards and don’t talk about it when it’s happening? I hope that if you ever feel down or upset you can always talk to me.

Next Step – Nurseries…. I have had a look round a couple and I think I am being a bit over the top because I am not 100% with any nursery, which is stupid because they’re brilliant nurseries. I even cried! (what a loser mummy is) Perhaps we will investigate the childminder route?

xxx

 

Dear Emily, (14-15 Weeks)

IMG_6724.JPGI’m writing these over a month in arrears, and as I read my notes I think wow, I had it relatively easy… A lot has changed Emzy, you are definitely giving mummy a run for her money now (at nearly 5 months).  But in the essense of keeping to the time frames in the title , I’ll take you back in time….

You did a full nights sleep, yay!!!! If only mummy had a full nights sleep to, I kept checking you were still breathing. I thought the anxiousness would have gone away  now, but oh no it’s still there . You’ve also started going down for naps now in your crib. It takes me 20 minutes of pacing before I can put you down, and when I do I literally drop to the floor army style and crawl out of the room. You generally wake up and cry straight away, I leave you for 5 minutes (as it’s a tired cry, not a scream) and stare at the monitor and timer generally you have stopped by 5 minutes and you conk out. Your such a content little girl, quite happy to just lie on your Matt.

This works well when we’re at home, but routine and contentment went out the window when we went away to oxford for mummy’s birthday. Mummy’s money also went out the window because oxford is near Bicester village 😬 I don’t know why I bought you so much Ralph Lauren because I know you’ll grow out of it in a few months, I’m justifying my purchases and hoping you’ll have a sister who can have all your hand me downs.

Back to oxford – We went out for dinner and guess what happened? You started crying as soon as the food came out. Dad and I took it in turns to pace with you (as this seems to be the only thing that calms you down) but you weren’t having any of it. There was a family next to us, and the father of this family kept giving me evils and tutting. It’s funny because I’m not the type of person to let someone get away with that, but I did, and I felt really embarrassed and wanted to get the hell out of there. It wasn’t even a posh place, it was a burger bar! Your dad doesn’t understand why I care and either do I really, but when you cry in public I feel myself going red and start feeling really anxious and people like that stupid man really doesn’t help!

This is a pretty short entry because In terms of development nothing has really happened the last few weeks.

Until next time when things get a little more interesting x

 

This one is all about mummy!!!

Why aren’t I a size 8 already??!!! Oh wait I was never a size 8 before I fell pregnant & putting on 4 stone certainly doesn’t help me get there. I honestly thought while I was pregnant, I’d be this person who would loose all the weight, and be super chilled. And what the hell is this mummy pouch I’ve developed?! That bit of skin that sags over your trousers… I feel like a kangaroo.

I stupidly started slimming world 4 weeks after giving birth. I lost 2 1/2 stone, but lunches & cakes are getting in my way. No one wants to be ‘that’ person who refuses cakes. Plus I’m breastfeeding so that means I can have an extra 2000 calories a day surely?!!! 😬

Well clothes shops would tell me differently. ⚠️ Do not go shopping when you’re not happy with your size!!! Just buy bags & shoes. We were in Brighton and Dan very kindly gave me £100 to buy myself something nice for our night out, he took Emily and off I went. Well for his kind effort he was greeted to a moody tearful wife. (This is not something that’s unusual)

You think when you’re pregnant you’ll be able to start exercise straight away, but it often takes longer than you think. If you do start exercise I recommend getting a health check, or learning how to check stomach separation before starting exercise again. FitMummy do a fantastic course to help you rebuild your muscles after having a baby. I also do mummy&me Yoga & Pilates through busylizzy, the above classes are great for your pelvic floor.

I also thought when I was pregnant, that I’d be this totally cool mum who could just go out and leave her baby, no problem. I thought I’d only breastfeed for 3 months and then I’d get my life back. I definitely wouldn’t be one of those who post lots of baby pictures on Facebook.  Then reality happens and you have this little baby, you don’t want to leave them & when you do you cry and spend half the night calling to check there ok. And I don’t need to tell you all how much I love a good Facebook pic haha. I would have taken the piss out of the person I’ve become, but you don’t really care about getting your life back because this is now your life. The type of mum you think you’ll be totally changes.

As much as I Love being a mum, things are not always rosey. There are times I’ve wanted to cry with tiredness & fustration. I’m so fortunate I have some amazing friends who offer support and reassurance and I’d just like to say thank you! Without you all things would be a lot tougher. Its amazing to send a whatsapp message at 3am and get multiple responses because you know other people are feeling your pain 😘😘😘

Dear Emily, (12 & 13 Weeks)

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13 weeks & still loving your bouncer chair 😍

So you’re 12 weeks now, time we start to put you to bed rather than waiting up with mummy & daddy. We have started your routine which consists of:

6.30pm – Bath (We use child’s farm bath & shampoo every other night, & just water the other night)

7pm – Formula bottle (Aptimal 1, Munckin Latch bottle) I’m still breastfeeding you, but I’ve heard such good things about formula filling babies up I thought I’d try it. You still take about 40minutes- 1hour to do your bottle 😬

8pm/8.30pm – Up to your crib (You’re still in our room). We use our Motorola monitor which has a video, you are mummy & daddy’s entertainment as we just watch you haha 😂

You are now sleeping until about 4-5am.

Now I wouldn’t have thought of doing this without the help from my NCT ladies. I cannot stress how important it is to have other mummies going through what you are at the same time. It’s amazing how quickly you forget things. It’s so hard to know if what you are doing is right. I’ve learnt there is no right or wrong, it’s whatever works for you & this routine works for us.

On another note swimming is going really well. You are now going under water, you have a little cry but you love swimming. Your head is getting stronger and you are also becoming so much more alert. Your laugh is so big now, it makes mummy want to cry with happiness.

Talking about mummy’s happiness, I went on a night out to London and had a few drinks (7 to be precise) whilst grandma looked after you. I was a nervous wreck, my anxiety is starting to kick in, I’ve been nervous about leaving you for about 2 weeks. It’s not that I don’t trust other people, I just can’t help but worry. I think mum worry is a condition!? Anyway I went and had a great time. I’m still breastfeeding you, so I took my electric breast pump and expressed in the Waldorf toilet. I wasn’t wearing a feeding top so I ended up being half naked in the toilet. The pump makes such a loud errrr errrr errr sound, people must have thought – what the hell?! But needs must. Apparently when you have a drink it takes 1-2 hours per unit to clear from your system. So I had to wait about 12 hours before I could feed you next, luckily I expressed lots in advance. For the first time Daddy did the early morning feed! Result!!!

Now enough about mummy, back on to you. You might remember me telling you about your big head circumferences  and us being referred to Worthing hospital? Well turns out it’s hereditary (mummy has a mentally big head, but we will blame that one on daddy) and the doctor said it’s nothing to worry about. Oh my little one, you have come so far since your days on the special care unit. At 13 weeks you are now a healthy weight of 13lbs1oz and 61cm in height. I couldn’t be more proud!

All my love

Mummy

Xxxx

Dear Emily, (8-12 Weeks)

0D1DFA9A-4C67-43DE-8470-F7B9B17F2245.jpgHorray!!! I can finally put you down for 15-20 minutes. I love you more than the world, but it feels so good that I can put you on the play mat without  you crying. You also now love the vibrating chair you have. Bad mum alert! You love being put infront of the TV, I think it’s the bright colours but you find it mezmerising. Before I was a mum I swore that I wouldn’t let you watch TV & here I am 8 weeks in putting your chair infront of it. Ekkkk 😬

Now you might remember I told you about only taking milk from the right boob? Well mummy got that sorted. We went to a craniosacral therapist, and he fixed you. When you came out of mummy, you had your arm up by your head, apparently you had dislodged the opposite shoulder and had a pulled muscle??? It’s all sorted and now mummy has two droopy boobies rather than one. (Well at least there even now) Talking about feeding…. At 10 weeks we decided to give you a formula bottle at night. I’ve heard so many others talking about formula knocking their baby out, I thought I want some of that. True to its word, it does. Since having it you sleep a good 6 hours!! Result!!! 👍🏻

I do think formula has affected your poo though. You now have explosive poos. We were in Guildford, and you had the biggest poo. So I went to house of Fraser to change you. OMG! It was everywhere!! Stupid mummy forgot to bring other clothes, so I had to try and wash your clothes and I had to put them back on you. I ended up going straight home. Note to self, always pack spare clothes.

Although that outing wasn’t great, generally you are much happier out and about. Everyone comments how chilled you are! Why aren’t you like that at home? It’s like you put on a little show for everyone. We are out so much though, to be honest that’s fine with me. We just signed up to busy lizzy in Horsham. We do baby massage & baby karma. Mummy tried mummy & me Pilates but you were having none of it, it wasn’t enjoyable having a screaming  baby for an hour. So we will try that in a month. You also stated swimming at 10 weeks, you love the water. I was never a strong swimmer, and it’s really important to me that you are. We do keep busy, plus we go to lunch or coffee at least 3 times a week with friends. Daddy says we do too much but it helps my sanity, and you like it so why not. Now don’t get me wrong, when we have a day of nothing we lie in mummy’s bed until about 11!

I love our little life, I’m not even fussed about going out and drinking (yes I love you that much). But it’s not always peachy! When you scream for hours (generally between 5-7pm) I literally want to cry. I shouted ‘SHUT UP’ the other day and I felt so guilty afterwards, I didn’t want to put you to bed because I wanted you to know how much I loved you. Speaking to friends apparently it happens to them too, which is nice to know I’m not the only one.

You are changing so much already, slow down please xxxx