Over the last few weeks, emily hasn’t been herself. Not sleeping, crying randomly. Turns out she’s got 3 new teeth coming through all at the same time. Problem is, you never know this until the worst has happened. Emily has always been a good sleeper, so I couldn’t really sympathise with mum’s who were up every night. Well now I can, and by god do I feel for you. Being sleep deprived makes you go a bit cray cray. Dan & I have such arguements in the night about the ‘right ‘ way of getting emily back to sleep. Dans way is bringing her into bed, mine is rocking her. Neither I am sure is right.
I keep second guessing myself, and worry I’m being to strict or not enough. I swear this stuff has got harder, I thought I had being a mum sussed. I’ve even thought maybe I should go back to work for a few days a week now to give us both a little break. It’s not because I don’t love Emily, because I love her more than life itself it’s just sometimes she seem’s happier with other people and that’s maybe because we are together 24/7. I feel so guilty writing this, as everyone keeps saying how they couldn’t stand to go back to work. Us mummies have to stop judging ourselves because we are all different and it doesn’t mean we love our children any less or more.
This month I went away for a few days (4) to Portugal which was lovely and gave me a little break. While I was away Dan had Emily for 3 days and Karen 1 day and apparently Emily was brilliant. I had a pang of jealousy because for me she had been a nightmare. How come? I honestly thought she hated me.
Then 3 days ago I had an aphifiny, it’s not Emily’s it’s me! When you have her every day and try and stick to such a strict regime, it’s no wonder she wants to rebel against it. So I’m trying a new approach, CHILL OUT! And almost overnight her attitude changed and she’s back to being my happy laughing little girl. It’s so hard to climb out of a hole you’ve dug yourself. I really do believe babies vibe of you, if you’re stressed then they are too. Now I’m not saying I’m going to be chilled every day, as that’s just crazy talk… but… if she is an hour late for her nap, or doesn’t want to eat all her lunch or wants a cuddle I’m just going to go with it (or try). It’s crazy how this shift in mindset has instantly made Emily and I feel calmer. Last night she even slept through again.
Now on to my body! My friend sent me this picture the other day… she wasn’t being rude, it was after a discussion where we were discussing a part of our body after having a baby and breastfeeding 😂.. I think the picture explains it better than words.
Until next time x